


kitty poop changed my life

by DerfMcGerfkin



Category: Ever After High
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Memes, Swearing, and its headmaster grimm, apple is the only somewhat sane one, briar sucks at grammar most of the time, chatfic, darling and apple are in love fight me, faybelle is gay shipping trash, help me, im still figuring out ships, im very sleep deprived, maddie is on crack, probably out of character, raven is memer change my mind, theres like 1 straight person, they're all crackheads, very chaotic, very gay, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-13 01:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 10,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21236231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DerfMcGerfkin/pseuds/DerfMcGerfkin
Summary: gaybelle added swordlesbian, whatarethose, theyaremycrocs, dancingqueen, emo, Irodocyclitis and 17 others.gaybelle: i have to tell you all something.notafurry: what is it faybelle?gaybelle: i started a riot in the castelteria and may have set a table on fire.gottem has changed gaybelle’s name to literal criminal.literal criminal: okay, that was uncalled for.





	1. kitty poop changed my life

**Author's Note:**

> usernames in case y'all get confused.  
gaybelle:faybelle  
swordlesbian:darling  
whatarethose:poppy  
theyaremycrocs:holly  
truthhurts:cedar  
iwantadivorce:cupid  
irodocyclitis:apple  
emo:raven  
tEaTiMe:maddie  
dancingqueen:duchess  
raisinbran:ramona  
capncrunch:cerise  
decapitation:lizzie  
dancingqueen(improved):justine  
treegremlin:kitty  
partytime:briar  
shoes:ashlynn  
notafurry:rosabella  
judy:bunny  
gottem:blondie  
isthataweed:dexter  
yallugly:daring  
seeyalaterhaters:hunter  
nick:alistar

**gaybelle: **kitty are you actually a cat? 

**gaybelle: **if you are that would be weird.

**treegremlin: **why would it be weird?

**treegremlin: **and yes I am a cat. 

**gaybelle: **yikes.

**treegremlin: **rude.

**isthataweed: **i’m sorry if this is weird but do you ever have furballs?

**treegremlin: **uh yeah. that's a thing cats do.

**treegremlin: **faybelle are you not gonna answer my question?

**gaybelle:** no.

**iwantadivorce: **do you poop like a cat?

**Irodocyclitis: **Cupid! You can’t just ask something like that!

**iwantadivorce: **we were all thinking it.

**truthhurts: **no we weren’t.

**notafurry: **i was.

**swordlesbian: **what's wrong with you people?

**gaybelle:** a lot. do you need a list?

**raisinbran: **now i wanna know the answer.

**treegremlin: **that’s gross.

**gaybelle: **now we’re all curious. answer the question or i’ll hex you.

**treegremlin: **what do you even mean by “poop like a cat.”

**imwantadivorce:** do you squat down? do you have a litter box? is your poop tiny like a cat or is it like a human turd? i need to know EVERYTHING.

**treegremlin: **who cares if i poop like a cat? it doesn’t matter.

**notafurry: **yes it does.

**notafurry: **do you purr? 

**capncrunch: **oh she purrs.

**gottem: **how do you know that?

**gaybelle: **;)

**treegremlin: **what was that wink for?

**gaybelle: **don’t worry about it.

**raisinbran: **inchresting

**yallugly: **stop blowing up my phone. I’m trying to take selfies and your notifications keep popping up.

**partytime: **tunr ur notficatns off then

**emo: **NOTFICATNS

**partytime: **shut up

**Irodocyclitis: **You’re all driving me insane.

**Irodocyclitis: **Everyone should be in class by now. Stop texting and focus.

**capncrunch: **blondie all i can say is, kitty poop changed my life.

**tEaTiMe has changed the chat name to kitty poop changed my life.**

**treegremlin: **OOSAJDOIRIPO STOP

**gottem: **uh…. okay then.

**gaybelle:**sjdkashmdkjasmahsnkjdashlmd

**Irodocyclitis: **Do all of you want to get bad grades? FOCUS!

**swordlesbian: **sorry mom

**gaybelle: **I KNEW YOU HAD A MOMMY KINK!

**swordlesbian: **I DON’T HAVE A MOMMY KINK!

**emo: **sure jan.

**swordlesbian has left the chat.**

**whatarethose: **HAHHAHA

**theyaremycrocs:** she totally has a mommy kink.

**iwantadivorce: **guys! don’t kink shame!

**gaybelle: **kinkshaming is my kink.

**dancingqueen: **stop. please. i can’t take this anymore.

**dancingqueen(improved): **suck it up buttercup, you’re stuck with all of us.

**Irodocyclitis: **Faybelle stop being mean to my girlfriend and focus on your classes.

**Irodocyclitis has added swordlesbian to the chat.**

**gaybelle: **what's that I hear?

**decapitation: **Oh my! I think it’s whipping noises!

**swordlesbian: **Y’ALL BETTER STOP!

**shoes: **what are you gonna do? call your girlfriend?

**nick: **uh, i don’t mean to interrupt but bunny and i got lost.

**judy: **well at least you finally admitted it.

**seeyalaterhaters: **i can help!

**Irodocyclitis: **Shut the fuck up and pay attetion to your teachers.

**emo: **anna oop-

**capncrunch: **i thought that was a vsco girl thing

**treegremlin: **raven, be honest, are you a vsco girl?

**emo: **DO I LOOK LIKE-


	2. his lips crusty af

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlynn and Hunter break up because of gay tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
iwantadivorce: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved):justine  
raisinbran:ramona  
capncrunch:cerise  
decapitation:lizzie  
treegremlin:kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime:briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
gottem:blondie  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly:daring  
seeyalaterhaters:hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick:alistar

**seeyalaterhaters: **ashlynn will you please talk to me?

**Irodocyclitis: **What happened?

**shoes: **his lips crusty af.

**swordlesbian: **LMAO

**whatarethose: **did you break up again?

**shoes: **it looks like we’re on that path.

**gaybelle: **ugh straights.

**seeyalaterhaters: **i’m sorry.

**shoes: **are you?

**seeyalaterhaters: **i didn’t mean to.

**tEaTiMe: ***sips tea*

**emo: **cupid aren't you supposed to be good with feelings? help them.

**iwantadivorce:** ugh fine

**iwantadivorce: **why don’t you two talk in person, it’s better to talk face to face.

**shoes: **i would prefer to handle this in person, but someone is too afraid to come up to me.

**seeyalaterhaters: **i’m sorry ash, i don’t want him to be mad.

**shoes:** so you care about his feelings and not your girlfriends. i see how it is.

**gaybelle: **he? do i smell some gay drama?

**Irodocyclitis: **Who are you talking about?

**shoes has added doyouevenskate to the chat.**

**doyouevenskate: **waddup gamers.

**dancingqueen: **Sparrow? 

**gaybelle: **OH SHIT THE GAY TEA IS SCORCHING HOT!

**seeyalaterhaters: **no offense faybelle, but shut up.

**gaybelle: **so it is gay!

**doyouevenskate: **very.

**theyaremycrocs: **what’s happening?

**tEaTiMe: **Oh dear sweet holly, the gay tea is spilling everywhere!

**seeyalaterhaters: **not you too maddie.

**shoes: **hunter i’m not mad at you… i’m just…

**seeyalaterhaters: **don’t

**shoes: **disappointed.

**gottem: **you know she had to do it to em’

**shoes: **you could have told me. 

**seeyalaterhaters: **i was scared

**shoes:** that doesn’t give you any right to lie about cheating on me.

**iwantadivorce: **you see children, this is why we communicate with our partners.

**shoes: **i want what’s best for you. i want you to be happy.

**shoes: **so i’m breaking up with you

**emo: **anna oop-

**treegremlin: **again raven?

**seeyalaterhaters: **i really am sorry ash. you deserve so much better than me.

**shoes: **don’t say that. now stop making this sadder than it has to be, go be with sparrow.

**seeyalaterhaters: **friends?

**shoes: **friends.

**judy: ***wipes tear* now alistar and i are the only straight couple left in the school.

**gaybelle: **haha suck it!

**nick: **it sucks being the minority.

**swordlesbian: **i’m sorry i have to laugh.

**capncrunch: **I-

**yallugly: **I too am a part of a minority. I’m the only good looking one in our entire school.

**Irodocyclitis: **Pffft.


	3. you guys change subjects faster then i change my moods.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cedar is an innocent bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
iwantadivorce: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved):justine  
raisinbran:ramona  
capncrunch:cerise  
decapitation:lizzie  
treegremlin:kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime:briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
gottem:blondie  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly:daring  
seeyalaterhaters:hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick:alistar

**iwantadivorce: **alright sluts, who’s the best couple in the school?

**swordlesbian: **me and apple duh.

**dancingqueen: **Nah, me and poppy are the best.

**partytime:** i didnt know you n poopy were datng

**emo: **HAHAHAHHA POOPY!

**whatarethose: **rude but okay.

**partytime: **i hate you all

**dancingqueen:** Don’t disrespect my girlfriend like that ever again.

**iwantadivorce:** well this is off to a great start!

**treegremlin:** why do you care about who the best couple is?

**iwantadivorce:** i’m helping blondie with something.

**gaybelle: **hmm, how inchresting….

**raisinbran: **your nipples didn’t

**raisinbran: **SORRY WRONG CHAT

**capncrunch: **um, who was that message for ramona?

**raisinbran: **DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT CERISE 

**Irodocyclitis: **What does that message even mean? Your nipples didn’t what?

**raisinbran**: KDOAPIJDSOIMDA STOP

**Irodocyclitis: **No seriously, what does it mean?

**swordlesbian: **i’m scared of what it could mean.

**gottem:** would you say that it leaves you shaking in your boots?

**swordlesbian:** yes.

**gottem:** good to know.

**Isthataweed: **I can’t have one peaceful day with you people, can I?

**gaybelle: **nope!

**Iwantadivorce:** I have another quick question.

**theyaremycrocs:** what is it?

**iwantadivorce:** if you were a burger at McDonalds what would you be called?

**iwantadivorce:** I think blondie would be McCutie.

**gottem: **i think i’ve McFallen for you.

**truthhurts: **awww

**gaybelle: **barf

**gaybelle: **but also aw

**decapitation: **I would be called McEw

**emo: **I would me called McIHateMyself

**notafurry:** edgy much?

**swordlesbian: **I would be called McStab

**treegremlin: **of course you would.

**swordlesbian: **what's that supposed to mean?

**treegremlin: **nothing.

**judy:** do any of you know where hunter is?

**shoes:** may I ask why?

**nick: **I might have gotten us lost again. 

**judy: **hunter said he would help us if it ever happened again.

**gaybelle: **he’s probably having fun with sparrow, if you know what i mean…

**Irodocyclitis: **Faybelle!

**truthhurts: **What do you mean faybelle?

**swordlesbian: **please spare her innocence.

**raisinbran: **she means they’re havinsdADHIUADHMIAWUDKAWOKD

**truthhurts: **Are you okay? What happened? 

**raisinbran: **AWIEUQ(MU2984UM;SA’/A;\DAASD;A’DAW\S;Q=WEIQ09E

**tEaTiMe: **It seems as if someone has stopped ramona in her ventures to spoil cedar’s innocence!

**dancingqueen(improved): **that would be me. 

**dancingqueen(improved): **cedar is too pure, it is my duty to protect her!

**gaybelle: **hmmmm, i n c h r e s t i n g

**swordlesbian: **Justine I'm promoting you to leader of the Cedar Protection Squad (CPS). I hope you will accept this honor.

**dancingqueen(improved): **It means so much to me. I’m so happy! I never thought this day would come.

**truthhurts:** I still don’t know what faybelle meant my having fun.

**truthhurts: **Did she mean that they were playing a game or something?

**decapitation: **That’s exactly what she meant.

**gaybelle: **no its not

**truthhurts: **Then what did you mean?

**gaybelle: **I was implying that they were havniajdajidmaokjdoidjAOIDJAEJAKwoi

**gottem: **justine again?

**dancingqueen(improved): **yup!

**swordlesbian: **Bless your soul.

**emo: **you guys change subjects faster then i change my moods.


	4. and i oop-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
iwantadivorce/McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona  
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
gottem/McCutie: blondie  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar

**iwantadivorce: **hey blondie, i have to tell you something.

**gottem:** what is it?

**iwantadivorce: **i think you’re cute.

**gottem: **aww, i think you’re hot.

**gaybelle: **when are you useless lesbians gonna get together?

**partytime:** if we r being honest i thot they wr alredy tgther.

**Irodocyclitis:** I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

**partytime: **sry

**emo: **thot

**treegremlin: **thot

**swordlesbian: **thot

**whatarethose: **thot

**isthataweed: **thot

**partytime:** :(

**gaybelle: **:)

**partytime:** :)

**decapitation: **Hmmm, i n c h r e s t i n g

**gaybelle: **hey! that’s my line!

**decapitation: **Not anymore.

**iwantadivorce has changed gottem’s name to McCutie.**

**McCutie: **awwwww!

**McCutie: **wait hold on

**McCutie has changed iwantadivorce’s name to McHottie.**

**McHottie: **Oh no, I’ve McFallen…

**McCutie: **I’ve McFallen for you too!

**gaybelle: **I don’t know whether to start planning your wedding, or start barfing all over Rumplestilskins desk.

**Irodocyclitis: **I’d try to refrain from puking on any teachers desk.

**raisinbran: **i vote for you to puke on his desk.

**gaybelle: **i don’t wanna get caught like last time, i’ll make someone else do it.

**Irodocyclitis: **Are you implying that you’ve puked on his desk before?

**gaybelle: **mayhaps….

**emo: **y’all need to shut up.

**partytime: **no u

**swordlesbian: **what if we don't shut up?

**emo: **you better watch out

**emo: **or i’m gonna steal your toes

**swordlesbian: **ewww i didn’t know raven had a toe fetish

**emo: **I DON’T HAVE A TOE FETISH

**swordlesbian:** sure jan.

**notafurry:** I feel like I've been in this place before.

**gaybelle: **well at least she doesn’t have a mommy kink.

**tEaTiMe: **Who said that she doesn’t have a mommy kink? You don’t know what she gets up to.

**gaybelle:** and i oop-

**McHottie: **maddie, raven, is there something you’re not telling us?

**Irodocyclitis: **Oh boy.

**emo: **i don’t know what y’all are talking about. 

**emo: **i’m still threatening to steal your toes tho. 

**swordlesbian:** ᵗᵒᵉ ᶠᵉᵗᶦˢʰ

**gaybelle: **ᵐᵒᵐᵐʸ ᵏᶦⁿᵏ

**swordlesbian: **shut up

**gaybelle: **uno reverse card.

**swordlesbian: **suck my pp

**Irodocyclitis: **Darling, last I checked, you don’t have male genitalia.

**gaybelle: **and i oop-

**swordlesbian:** You can check again if you'd like.

**isthataweed: **and on that note, i’m leaving.

**isthataweed has left the chat.**

**yallugly: **why was I even invited to this group chat?

**gaybelle: **I needed someone to hate.

**yallugly: **rude but okay

**yallugly has left the chat.**

**emo: **i hate all of you


	5. stop i'm not a vsco girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona  
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
McCutie: blondie  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar

**gaybelle:** yo i found the perfect song to describe headmaster grimm

**swordlesbian:** what is it?

**gaybelle:** the principal by melanie martinez

**tEaTiMe:** Ayyy my queen

**emo:** i thought i was your queen :/

**tEaTiMe**: No, you’re my gamer girl.  
**tEaTiMe**: Get it right next time.

**truthhurts:** that song is truly a bop.

**tEaTiMe:** The whole album is a bop.

**gaybelle:** truth.

**McHottie:** are we just gonna ignore how maddie called raven her gamer girl?

**notafurry:** yes.

**shoes**: so anyways, i was thinking i might f around and get a gf….

**gaybelle:** do it.

**McHottie:** ooooh can i hook you up with one of my friends?

**shoes:** ye

**emo:** why do i feel like that's something briar would say?

**whatarethose:** it’s because she probably has.

**partytime:** you know i can actually write when i get more than two hours of sleep, right?

**gaybelle:** to be honest, i just thought your parents neglected you and never taught you so you never learned how to read or write. I thought you were just starting to learn, but I didn’t want to be rude so I didn’t say anything.

**partytime:** wow okay.

**emo:** and i oop-

**capncrunch:** sksksksks

**treegremlin:** i dropped my hydroflask

**emo:** STOP I’M NOT A VSCO GIRL

**swordlesbian:** just like how you don’t have a foot fetish.

**emo:** that’s it!

**Irodocyclitis:** Don’t do it Raven.

**gaybelle:** DO IT

**emo has added isthataweed, yallugly, I’eau, and est en bois.**

**swordlesbian:** NO!

**emo:** DARLING HAS A MOMMY KINK

**emo has removed isthataweed, yallugly, I’eau, and est en bois.**

**emo:** have fun explaining that to your parents.

**gaybelle:** I dont’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.

**swordlesbian:** I-

**Irodocyclitis:** I didn’t want it to come to this Raven.

**Irodocyclitis has added The Evil One.**

**emo:** NO DONT YOU DARE!

**Irodocyclitis:** RAVEN HAS A TOE FETISH!

**Irodocyclitis has removed The Evil One.**

**emo:** I-

**McCutie:** well this has been eventful

**theyaremycrocs:** you can say that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, I'eau and est en bois are Darlings parents. The evil one is Ravens mom.


	6. gamer girl coochie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was made at around 7am while i was very sleep deprived, so enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle   
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple   
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona   
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar   
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
McCutie: blondie  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring

**tEaTiMe: ** spare gamer girl coochie ma’am?

**emo: ** give me your burger king foot lettuce and maybe i’ll consider it.

**tEaTiMe: ** sí, señora

**swordlesbian: ** what

**seeyalaterhaters:** I’m convinced that they’re crackheads.

**nick: ** that's probably not far from the truth.

**capncrunch:** we’re all crackheads.

**decapitation has changed the chat name to crackheads.**

**Irodocyclitis: ** Okay then.

**tEaTiMe: ** raven i have your foot lettuce.

**emo:** coolio.

**swordlesbian: ** you really aren’t helping your case with the whole foot fetish thing.

**emo: ** shut up

**emo:** maddie i’ll be your gamer girl if you give me the lettuce.

**tEaTiMe: ** I’M ON MY WAY!

**swordlesbian: ** *cough* foot fetish *cough*

**tEaTiMe: ** IT IS MY DUTY TO PROTECT MY GAMER GIRL. HOW DARE YOU INSULT HER. WHO CARES IF SHE HAS A FOOT FETISH, I’LL GIVE HER ALL OF MY FOOT LETTUCE IF IT MAKES HER HAPPY. I’LL LET HER LICK MY WITTLE FEETSIES IF SHE WISHES!

**tEaTiMe:** In other words, if you don’t stop I'll steal your eyelashes and feed them to Earl Grey.

**swordlesbian:** i’m shaking what does that mean

**gaybelle: ** it means exactly what it says.

**emo: ** maddie i don’t want to lick your “wittle feetsies” because believe it or not, i don’t have a foot fetish.

**emo: ** but thanks for standing up for me.

**McHottie: ** I’m actually dying of laughter wtf 

**shoes: ** I’ll remember you all in therapy.

**treegremlin: ** this chat was a mistake.

**gaybelle: ** no it wasn’t, this is beautiful.

**theyaremycrocs:** i’m convinced we all need therapy

**Irodocyclitis:** That’s probably true.

**partytime:** i alrdy hve a terapist 

**emo:** terapist

**partytime: ** I HATE U

**emo:** I hate me too.

**emo: ** i gtg, maddies here with my burger king foot lettuce.

**dancingqueen: ** what the fuck

**McHottie: ** STOP I CANT BREAHT 

**McCutie: ** you okay babe?

**McHottie: ** “maddies here with my burger king foot lettuce,” is going on my wall.

**emo: ** NO!

  
**seeyalaterhaters:** crackheads.


	7. mom said it's my turn with the crack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona  
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
McCutie: blondie  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring

**decapitation: **give me my sewing machine back fairy bitch

**theyaremycrocs:** what a wonderful start to the day. 

**capncrunch:** why did faybelle steal a whole ass sewing machine?

**gaybelle:** i need it for something.

**raisinbran: **what the fuck do you need it for

**gaybelle:** you’ll see tomorrow.

**judy: **i’ll return your sewing machine lizzie.

**gaybelle:** TRAITOR

**judy:** no u

**decapitation:** thanks bunny, i’m still gonna cut a bitch tho

**Irodocyclitis:** There will be no cutting of any bitches.

**treegremlin:** you’re no fun

**decapitation:** you can’t stop me apple. a bitch will die.

**gaybelle:** i think the fuck not you trick ass bitch.

**emo:** guys! stop! mom said it’s my turn with the crack!

**swordlesbian:** raven you had the crack yesterday, it's my turn today dummy.

**Irodocyclitis:** I’m done with all of you.

**swordlesbian:** you know you love me

**tEaTiMe:** i know you care

**whatarethose:** just shout whenever and i’ll be there.

**McCutie:** you are my love, you are my heart

**shoes:** and we will never ever ever be apart.

**emo:** stop.

**McCutie:** how dare you interrupt us

**notafurry:** guys your getting off topic again

**tEaTiMe:** sorry not sorry.

**dancingqueen:** Are you gonna do the thing you were talking about earlier?

**gaybelle:** mayhaps.

**dancingqueen:** This isn’t going to end well.

**Irodocyclitis:** Why? What is she going to do?

**gaybelle: **don’t spoil it.

**dancingqueen:** She’s gonna make a bunch of long furbies and hang them 

around the school.

**gaybelle:** i see how it is...

**treegremlin:** DO IT

**Irodocyclitis:** I normally wouldn’t approve of this behavior, but I kind of want to see that.

**Irodocyclitis:** Do it.

**emo:** oh no, you’ve corrupted apple

**decapitation:** Long furbies you say? I can help you. I’ve made plenty of them in the past. 

**capncrunch:** oh god

**whatarethose:** we should all make long furbies together!

**swordlesbian:** im down

**dancingqueen(improved):** sign me up

**gaybelle:** i wasn’t expecting this…

**decapitation: **We can use my room. I already have tons of fabric, so we won’t have to go buy any.

**gaybelle:** omw

**Irodocyclitis:** I’ll be there in five.

**tEaTiMe:** I’m bringing snacks!

**partytime:** im brining drnks

**doyouevenskate:** this is gonna be so chaotic.

**doyouevenskate: **i’m in.


	8. how make toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle   
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple   
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona   
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar   
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
McCutie: blondie  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring

**partytime:** how make toast

**partytime: ** help im hungry

**Irodocyclitis: ** You don’t know how to make toast?

**partytime:** dont judge me

**gaybelle:** i’ll help you.

**decapitation: ** hmmm….

**gaybelle:** shut up.

**McHottie:** i’m bored

**emo:** why don’t you go make out with blondie or something

**McHottie:** oh good idea

**swordlesbian:** your such a useless lesbian

**whatarethose:** you’re one to talk.

**swordlesbian:** shut up, you’re useless too.

**treegremlin:** the only functional one is apple.

**capncrunch: ** true.

**Irodocyclitis:** Thank you?

**raisinbran:** is cereal soup?

**theyaremycrocs:** what? no.

**raisinbran:** huh…

**seeyalaterhaters:** this is the last time i'm gonna say this. 

**seeyalaterhaters: ** c r a c k h e a d s

**raisinbran:** yeah, it’s probably my fault for accepting a cookie from a stranger…

**Irodocyclitis:** Do you know how dangerous that is?

**raisinbran:** it was a cookie. what am i supposed to do? say no?

**shoes:** yes.

**capncrunch: ** I’M TELLING DAD

**raisinbran: ** NO DON’T

**tEaTiMe: **

**tEaTiMe:** sorry wrong chat.

**treegremlin:** what the fuck is that

**whatarethose:** oh my god

**whatarethose:** why were you sending someone a picture of thicc thanos

**tEaTiMe:** you wouldn’t understand.

**Irodocyclitis:** I don’t think I want to understand.

**emo:** no, you really don’t.

**decapitation: ** maddie, we talked about this.

**tEaTiMe:** i know, i’m sorry. it won’t happen again ma’am.

**doyouevenskate:** i love this group chat.

**notafurry:** i hate this group chat.

**dancingqueen:** Welcome to the club, we have meetings every Friday. Be there or be square.

**notafurry:** okay?

**theyaremycrocs:** anyone notice that faybelle and briar haven't said anything in a while?

**raisinbran:** they fuckin

**swordlesbian:** DAJDSAKDSYDK

**gaybelle:** ;)

**partytime: ** gorss

**emo:** GORSS

**partytime:** STOP

**emo:** never.


	9. alright, whos fuckin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona  
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
McCutie: blondie  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring

**emo:** what's that noise?

**Irodocyclitis:** raven it’s 3am go to sleep.

**tEaTiMe:** I’m scared.

**emo:** come to my dorm, we can have a sleepover!

**tEaTiMe: **ye

**gaybelle:** hawdijhmiasdhaIHDAId

**gaybelle:** WAS THAT A MOAN??!?l:l

**nick:** WHY IS IT SO LOUD???

**raisinbran:** alright, whos fuckin?

**dancingqueen(improved):** are you sure you wanna know the answer to that?

**raisinbran:** no

**truthhurts: **EW

**nick:** what is it?

**truthhurts:** EW EW EW EW

**dancingqueen(improved):** come on cedar! speak to us!

**truthhurts:** kitty and cerise be fuckin.

**raisinbran:** EW

**gaybelle: **JODASHMDHAOAS MY SHIP

**emo: **i’m sorry you had to see that cedar. 

**gaybelle:** when i was talking about how it would be weird if kitty was really cat this is what i meant

**gaybelle:** i ship them so hard and cerise is like a dog, soo…

**swordlesbian:** i didn’t know faybelle was gay shipping trash…

**McHottie:** i thought it was obvious lmao

**raisinbran:** cerise what do you have to say for yourself?

**capncrunch:** sorry that the pussy be tastin good

**capncrunch:** i’m also sorry that kitty can’t be quiet :)

**treegremlin:** adjaskda.a’;dmnaskdjaskdoa1assajieq0eli

**raisinbran:** i-

**emo:** anna oop-

**truthhurts:** i’m staying in gingers room tonight.

**dancingqueen(improved): **the cedar protection squad (cps) has failed their mission...

**swordlesbian: **we weren’t there when she needed us…

**McCutie:** this is so sad, alexa play despacito.

**Irodocyclitis:** GO TO SLEEP!


	10. will you be my side hoe?

**tEaTiMe: **lizzie, will you be my side hoe?

**decapitation:** maddie what the fuck

**emo:** i thought i was your side hoe :/

**tEaTiMe:** oh my god raven, you’re my main hoe you stupid bitch

**tEaTiMe:** lizzies about to become my main hoe though

**emo:** ;-;

**tEaTiMe:** love you :)

**gaybelle:** y’all are on some other shit.

**tEaTiMe:** thank you.

**Irodocyclitis:** I don’t think it was a compliment.

**gaybelle:** it wasn’t.

**decapitation:** I'm fully convinced that you’re on crack.

**tEaTiMe:** how did you know?

**capncrunch:** maddie i love you, but what the fuck

**treegremlin:** i'm telling your dad!

**tEaTiMe:** who do you think gave me the crack?

**raisinbran:** that's it i'm calling cps

**dancingqueen(improved):** why are you calling the cedar protection squad?

**raisinbran:** i meant child protection services idiot

**tEaTiMe:** why would you do that?

**theyaremycrocs**:parents aren't supposed to give their children crack

**shoes:** you're a minor, you shouldn't be on crack anyway.

**tEaTiMe:** THE MINOR FALL, THE MAJOR LIFT

**whatarethose:** THE BAFFLED KING COMPOSING HALLELUJAH

**McHottie:** HALLELUJAH

**swordlesbian:** HALLELUJAH

**emo:** alright, that's enough.

**tEaTiMe:** frick you, you frickin frick.

**Irodocyclitis:** Go to class you nincompoops.

**gaybelle:** did you just insult us?

**raisinbran:** im so proud *wipes tear*

**emo: **stop corrupting apple

**Irodocyclitis:** GO!

**Irodocyclitis:** TO!

**Irodocyclitis:** CLASS!

**swordlesbian:** okay mom

**gaybelle:** ᵐᵒᵐᵐʸ ᵏᶦⁿᵏ

**swordlesbian:** ˢʰᵘᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵐᵒᵘᵗʰ ᶠᵃᶦʳʸ ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ

**notafurry:** we are not doing this again, listen to apple and go to class.

**gaybelle:** ʸᵒᵘʳᵉ ᵃ ᶠᵘʳʳʸ

**notafurry**: ʸᵒᵘʳᵉ ᵃⁿ ᵃˢˢʰᵒˡᵉ**  
**

**gaybelle: **rude...

**gaybelle:** but true.


	11. you crazy bitch

**decapitation:** Maddie, what the actual fuck.

**Irodocyclitis:** What did she do?

**dancingqueen:** She sent Lizzie a bunch of flowers and a humongous teddy bear.

**decapitation: **please stop

**tEaTiMe:** i’ll stop when you become my main hoe.

**decapitation:** i’m not gonna be your main hoe.

**tEaTiMe:** this is about to get real awkward then…

**decapitation:** Why?

**decapitation:** asdojaiJKLASJKDASDJAL

**emo:** what’s happening?

**dancingqueen:** I-

**dancingqueen:** Maddie was inside the bear and she popped out of it.

**treegremlin:** I can't believe you actually did it, you crazy bitch.

**decapitation:** You knew about this?

**treegremlin:** sorry not sorry

**Irodocyclitis:** I’ll say it this time…

**Irodocyclitis:** C R A C K H E A D S

**theyaremycrocs:** seriously what crack are you on?

**doyouevenskate:** i want some.

**seeyalaterhaters:** sparrOW NO

**doyouevenskate:** sparrow YES

**swordlesbian: **I can’t with y’all.

**emo:** are you southern now?

**swordlesbian:** shut up you said y’all like two days ago.

**tEaTiMe:** Sooo…. Lizzie, you gonna rethink my offer?

**decapitation: **you’re a crackhead

**decapitation:** i’ll think about it.

**Irodocyclitis:** You people are driving me insane.

**gaybelle:** im laughing my ass off, i can’t stop thinking about maddie just fucking jumping out of a giant bear.

**dancingqueen:** I caught it on video.

**gaybelle:** nO FUCKING WAY SEND IT TO ME

**emo:** i would like to see it

**dancingqueen:** I’m gonna have a viewing party in my dorm, you’re all invited

**capncrunch:** oh MY GOD WHEN DOES IT START?

**dancingqueen:** In around 10 minutes.

**capncrunch: **FUCK

**swordlesbian:** IM FUCKING NYOOMING MY ASS THERE

**raisinbran:** why is cerise fucking sprinting to duchess’s and lizzie’s room?

**emo:** scroll up

**raisinbran:** OH SHIT I HAVE TO SEE THIS

**McCutie:** I love how you crackheads are dropping literally everything just to see maddie pop out of a bear.

**McCutie:** I’ll be there soon.


	12. who gave apple a weed brownie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: faybelle  
swordlesbian: darling  
whatarethose: poppy  
theyaremycrocs: holly  
truthhurts: cedar  
McHottie: cupid  
irodocyclitis: apple  
emo: raven  
dancingqueen: duchess  
dancingqueen(improved): justine  
raisinbran: ramona  
capncrunch: cerise  
decapitation: lizzie  
treegremlin: kitty  
tEaTiMe: maddie  
partytime: briar  
shoes: ashlynn  
notafurry: rosabella  
judy: bunny  
McCutie: blondie  
seeyalaterhaters: hunter  
doyouevenskate: sparrow  
nick: alistar  
isthataweed: dexter  
yallugly: daring

**swordlesbian:** who gave apple a weed brownie?

**emo:** what the fuck

**tEaTiMe:** i thought it would be funny

**gaybelle:** you were right lmao

**swordlesbian:** maddie i’m gonna beat your ass 

**swordlesbian:** but also thank you, high apple is something I never knew I needed until now.

**tEaTiMe:** you’re welcome!

**Irodocyclitis has changed the chat name to pussy thots.**

**gaybelle:** amdhasasoidjaoksdasd

**shoes:** what tHE FUCK

**dancingqueen:** oh god, the last sane one is gone.

**Irodocyclitis:** no u

**theyaremycrocs:** what does that even mean?

**Irodocyclitis has changed their name to poopy.**

**poopy:** HAHAHHAHAHHA POOPY

**shoes:** maddie what the hell

**shoes:** where did you even get weed brownies?

**tEaTiMe:** I made them.

**emo:** where did you get the weed?

**tEaTiMe:** you don’t wanna know.

**treegremlin:** she has a weed garden.

**tEaTiMe:** that was supposed to be a secret.

**doyouevenskate: **....

**doyouevenskate:** that was a weed garden?

**shoes:** what the fuck did you do

**doyouevenskate:** WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T DRINK ANY OF THE TEA IN THE CASTELTERIA.

**capncrunch:** i think it’s too late for that.

**dancingqueen(improved):** I THINK I SAW CEDAR DRINK SOME

**swordlesbian:** NO ANYONE BUT CEDAR

**tEaTiMe:** sparrow did you take my fucking weed?

**doyouevenskate:** in my defense i thought they were herbs…

**tEaTiMe:** you took my fucking weed and put it in tea

**tEaTiMe:** you fucking bafoon

**emo:** oh god

**treegremlin:** oh shit

**decapitation:** oh fuck

**capncrunch:** EVERYONE TAKE COVER!

**tEaTiMe:** y̶̗͔͉͍̤̹̜̳̅͛͛̇̐̓̈́́̑͊͐̉́͌ͅȯ̴̜̜̗͓͇̙̱̮͚̥̞͊̋̌̈͗͒̓͆͆͑̿̚ͅù̶̧̖͒̔͊͒͗͗͆͝ ̸̨̛̭̜̻̖̼̤̩̭̹͚̱̜͒͐̋͊͛͂s̸̛͈̞͇͇̓̍̓̒͑͊̎̀̓p̶̧̻͙̤̙͒̓̾̆̈́̄̿̓̀͐̕͘h̷̡̢͈̹̝̟̞́͑̍̀̇̄̾̍̈́̃̏̚͝e̷̡̨̧̼̲͔̠̘̭̬̤̓͗ṙ̵̮̩̀͛ḭ̶͍͉͔̂ͅć̴̟̩̫̈́̈̃a̷̧͕̖̤͇͒̓̄̚͠͝l̶̢̟̳̱̫̖̤̦͚̏̓̈́͊̓̒̃̆̈̋͘ ̶̢̜̦̬̠̱̥̞̭̫̱̖͚̳̈͂͐͐͗͂̀d̶̡̧̥̮̯̥͇̙̜̠͖̾̄̈̈͊͒̄͑̇̌̒̎͐ù̴̧̘̫̤͍̭͕̼̲͈̹͎̽͐́́͆͗ṁ̷̯̈́̐̃ͅb̴̛̭͓̼͔̗̝̩͎̣̟̝͈̎̔̈́̑͠a̷̦̼̙͉͎̻̔̅͛͆́̊̅̌̇͊͘͠ͅs̵̪͙͓̜͈͎̺̜̞̓s̵̱͉͇̥͍̬͑̓͂͜

**theyaremycrocs:** what the fuck

**tEaTiMe:** i̶̡̧̫̼̮͈̩͔͉̎̉͆͒̉͋̆̌̅ ̵̱͓̮͍͇͊̆ḩ̸̹̮̫͚͛̍̒̑̈́ő̸̧̢̨̳̭̬̳͑͝ͅp̵̠̮̪̳̝̲̦͚̭̈́͂̅̈̂̔̂̕͘͜͝e̴̜̗͙̩̞̘̟̝̺̿̾̇͐͒̿̏͗̓͂̈́̆̊͌͜͝ ̵͎̋͛̑͒͌̅͘̕̚͠ͅy̴̧̢̮͉̯̱̠͙̺̯̝̬̟͌̉̋͂̿̏͋͛̏͘o̶̭̭̭̓̉̿̅̄̚̕ǘ̷̱̮̪͔̺͎̬̖̌̆̂̍r̶̖͔͕͙̹͚͈̼̠̪̐̾̈́̍̉͛͊̌̍̉͘̕ ̷̰̩̥̹͔͂̿̋͝f̸̥̻͎̞̱̣͚̩̩̝͐̏ȧ̸̧̡̡͚͇͓̠̤̜̭̫̗͎̉̀̆̈́̔̈́̋̐̓͑m̵̛̤̘̃̾̽̑̂̇̉͊̾̒̚̚͠͠ͅi̷͙͚͍̯̲̔̈l̴͚̯̱͕̑̊͜y̶̢͇̬̰̼̫̜̞̹̻̜̪̹̕ ̷̨͎̖̪̱̪̮̱̝̫͈̋͋̂̈̊̓̆͘̕g̸̖͍̮͓̻̤̦͗̈͠ͅë̴̛̳͓́͐̃̊͘ẗ̵̛̞͇̭̗̟̖̬̩͔̫̖͍ͅͅs̶̢̨̱̻͙̰̖̠͇̤̈́̑͐̆ ̶̥͗̿c̸̡̧̢͚̘̹̖̣͈̋̈́̂̋̈́͆̓̈́̓̋̒̚͜͝a̶̡̧̢̡̼͚͎̬̯͕͊́ͅŗ̴͚̰̮̲̓̋̓̑̔͘̚͘͝͝͝r̷̯͔͚͕͖̳̣̂̑͆͒́̏̽͘͠ī̸̡̖͕͈̬̈́̈́͗͊̄̚e̴̮̓͗̄͐̓̈̒̚d̶̲̙͉̬̍͛̈́͋̽̈́̏ ̵̲̱̠͉̬̼̞̀ä̶̢̨̛̭̤̰͖̫͉͉͚̗̫͙́͑̈́̍̇̎̚̕͘w̸̢̢̛͍͇̞̳͕̭̑̑͑͛̿̓͌̚̕ͅa̵̫̩̺̥͎͎̥̜̻͓̟̰̔̌͒̂͂̂̉͋̽̉̾̆͠ͅẏ̸͇̤̝̞̘̈̚ ̵̡̧̛̜̭͈͚̩̜̥̹̼̥́̈͑̊̈́̓̓̈̀̇͋́b̸͍͂̏̓y̴̢̝̙̓ ̷̨̾̇̌̈́̓f̵̬̓̊u̷̙̺͇͗̄̍̒̓͌͒̄͒̈́̄̉̿͗̕c̷̛̠̙̲̫̗̥̻̟̙̓̃̈̃̆͌̎͌́̋͆̚͝ḱ̷̢͎̣̭̭͎̘̹̲̼̫͔͈̫̮̀͠i̷̢̞͇̻̺̙͆̀̊͆̃̊̒̕͘͝ṉ̵̢̟͓̆̊̆́͜g̶̡̨͔̱̳̭̳̟̜̺̞͙͕̃̈̓̏̒̔͒͗̓͝ ̴̢̛̖̫̳͓͎̻̖̈́͊̽̓͘a̴̝̤̱̺͓̟̦̱̝̥͓͑̐̍ͅn̵̫͊͑̃̓͋̃̚͝͝͝t̵͖͐̒ŝ̷̡̢̖̰͙͚̗͔̼̲̘

**doyouevenskate:** im scared

**decapitation:** if you’re scared now you better pray to god that she doesn’t find you.

**tEaTiMe:** i̴̗͚̥͖̙̼̹̠̮̊͒̌̈̉̉̐̉͊́̕m̷̻̗̹̏̌̿́̄̋͗̈́̚͝ ̴̛̗͔̣̼͓͙̫͖͈̪͎͕̥̭̍̈́̕͘g̷̡̫̥͙̼̥̣̠͙̃͆̎̐͑̓͒̽̈́͒̿̽̑͝ȏ̸͕̳̰̬̞̙̣̐͆̓̒̈́̆͂͊̍n̵͎͔̹̳̞̲͈̼̗͎̹̓̈̊̑̄͆̿n̷̩̩̖̼͔͇̼̹͊̄͜ͅä̴̡̨̺͓̘̮̞̰̪͚́͜ ̴̤̪̰͖̤̫̆f̵̣̤͎͕̑̈́̀̏͝ư̷̫̂͒̓͋͌̑͂͝c̶̭̏̈͌̆́̀̄̎͌͝͝k̴̛̻͓̐͒̽̏̒̑͐͆̾̈́̈́̚i̴̧̺͍̺͕̫̘̠͕͍̾̀̏̋̎̄͋͐̂̈́̓͘n̶̠̰͖͔͒͛ğ̷̨͖̳͌̇́͛̂̌͝ ̶̧̢͖͖͕̟͇̹͔̦̗̳̹͆̎̍͆͒̂͐́͋͠ḵ̸̨͚͎̪̪́̍̈́̽̕i̸̼̺͖͚̻̱̻̒̇͠l̶̢͈̪̮̼͕̝̽̃̈́͂̐͒͒̚l̷͍͔̥͙̟̙̖̈́ ̷̧̛͇͈͎͍̫̰̺̰̼̞̜̞̋̉͊̈́̂y̴̭̐͋͒̆̓̃͒̊͆̑͑̓ö̵̢̢̳̺͈̝̰̖̖͔̘̞͔̅͆̋̐ͅụ̴͈͗̉̂̊̎͊̍̒̿͝͠͝͠

**seeyalaterhaters:** don’t hurt him too much.

**doyouevenskate:** BITCH FUCKING HELP ME

**seeyalaterhaters:** you did this to yourself.

**decapitation:** sparrow you should start running

**doyouevenskate:** why? my door is locked, she can’t get in.

**decapitation:** have you met maddie? she’ll find a way in.

**doyouevenskate:** true.

**doyouevenskate:** gtg shes kicking my fking dor down

**poopy: **im too high for this shit

**capncrunch:** i forgot that apple was high

**swordlesbian:** me too lmao

**truthhurts:** who the fuck put weed in the tea?

**notafurry:** fucking crackheads.


	13. one word. explosions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> faybelle does illegal things and apple is fucking done

**emo:** did anyone else hear that?

**McCutie: **how could anyone not hear that, it was so fucking loud.

**gaybelle: **someone fucking hide me

**poopy:** Faybelle, what the fuck did you do?

**poopy:** And who the fuck changed my name?

**poopy has changed their name to Irodocyclitis.**

**decapitation: **Why do I hear police sirens?

**gaybelle: **i may have done something very illegal

**swordlesbian: **fucking idiot

**gaybelle: **fuck it

**gaybelle: **im moving to france and changing my name

**tEaTiMe: **can I come too? i've always wanted to go to france.

**decapitation: **maddie no

**treegremlin: **what happened

**gaybelle:** one word. explosions

**emo:** jesus christ faybelle

**gaybelle: **sorry not sorry

**partytime:** i’m gonna shove a shampoo bottle up your ass

**gaybelle: **kinky.

**truthhurts:** you guys really are crackheads

**gaybelle:** yes i thought we established this when we found out maddie has a weed garden.

**truthhurts:** … that was a weed garden?

**tEaTiMe:** what is it with you people and taking my weed?

**decapitation:** you let me take your weed

**tEaTiMe: **that’s different, you're my main hoe.

**gaybelle: **anyway, you bitches better not tell anyone 

**gaybelle:** if they find out i might get taken to jail, or worse hexpelled.

**partytime:** if u ddnt wnna go 2 jl thn u shldnt hv tryd to blw up the fcking schl

**Irodocyclitis:** It’s 4 in the goddamn morning and you crackheads are blowing shit up

**Irodocyclitis:** what the fuck is wrong with you all?

**emo:** it was faybelle who was blowing shit up. the rest of us have nothing to do with it

**gaybelle:** ITS NOT MY FAULT, THE FUCKING TRASH CAN LOOKED AT ME FUNNY

**gaybelle:** HE GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM

**Irodocyclitis:** I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF A TRASH CAN LOOKED AT YOU WEIRD, GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

**swordlesbian: **

**theyaremycrocs:** Can you guys listen to apple for once? I want to get at least an hour of sleep

**gaybelle:** thats never gonna happen

**partytime:** faybELLE WTF WAS TAHT

**gaybelle:** wasn’t me

**emo:** then who the fuck was it?

**tEaTiMe:** sorry

**decapitation:** maddie i swear to god

**Irodocyclitis:** STOP BLOWING SHIT UP

**tEaTiMe:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

**decapitation:** HOW DO YOU BLOW SOMETHING UP ON ACCIDENT?

**gaybelle:** shit happens my guy

**Irodocyclitis:** SHUT HUIP

**emo:** huip

**whatarethose:** huip

**McHottie:** huip

**seeyalaterhaters:** huip 

**Irodocyclitis:** shut up you heathens

**gaybelle:** FUCKING ABORT MISSION

**gaybelle:** MADDIE WHAT THE FUCK

**tEaTiMe:** uh, i think i need a shower

**gaybelle:** NO SHIT YOU CRACKHEAD

**emo: **WHAT THE FUCK

**decapitation:** i’ve never facepalmed harder in my entire life

**Irodocyclitis:** WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TIME YOU FUCKING TONE DEAF CROTCH WAFFLES

**gaybelle:** what the fuck does that mean

**swordlesbian:** im-

**swordlesbian:** i’ve been left shaking in my boots

**gaybelle:** maddie blew up headmaster grimms office

**Irodocyclitis:** oh its okay then

**shoes:** how are you fine with them blowing up headmaster grimms office, but when it comes to a trash can its the worst thing in the world?

**Irodocyclitis:** the trash can is a fucking trash can, it didnt do anything. Headmaster grimm is an asshole

**shoes:** true

**Irodocyclitis:** Now for the last time, GO TO SLEEP YOU POMPOUS TURD DRAGONS

**swordlesbian:** i love you

**Irodocyclitis:** i love you too but go to sleep before i murder you

**gaybelle:** heh, thats gay

**swordlesbian:** faybelle you literally have the word gay in your username, shut up.

**gaybelle:** o shit u rite

**emo:** did you turn into briar?

**gaybelle:** well they do say you are what you eat

**partytime:** wut the fck 

**emo:** asdijashmasuidj


	14. the bois™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new foe has appeared!

**seeyalaterhaters has created a new chat.**

**seeyalaterhaters has added Egghead, nick, isthataweed, and yallugly, and doyouevenskate to the chat**

**seeyalaterhaters has named the chat the bois™️**

**seeyalaterhaters:** we need the bois back

**Egghead:** We’ve only talked like once

**isthataweed: **o shit u kinda cute

**Egghead:** Thanks?

**nick:** that gey 

**yallugly: **ew gross

**seeyalaterhaters:** stop 

**seeyalaterhaters:** idc if we’ve only talked once, you’re chill.

**doyouevenskate:** humphrey you’ve been invited to the bois™️, you better accept this offer.

**Egghead:** Okay?

**seeyalaterhaters: **YE

**seeyalaterhaters:** now that you’re officially a part of the bois™️ you have to do the initiation

**isthataweed:** can we not? I don’t wanna scare him off.

**doyouevenskate:** we all had to do it dexter, it’s only fair

**Egghead:** What does this initiation entail?

**seeyalaterhaters:** don’t worry about it.

**seeyalaterhaters:** do you have a robe by chance?

**Egghead: **Uh, no.

**seeyalaterhaters:** oh okay, i can get you one.

**Egghead:** Why do I need a robe?

**doyouevenskate:** you’ll see.

**seeyalaterhaters:** i found the perfect one!

**yallugly:** that was fast

**yallugly:** it took you three hours to find one for me, do you not like me or something?

**seeyalaterhaters:** daring i had to find one that perfectly fit your personality, that can take a while considering that your personality is…. rather interesting. 

**yallugly:** you got me a unicorn robe.

**isthataweed:** in hunters defense, it does fit your personality pretty well.

**Egghead:** Oh god, am I gonna be the Apple of this group?

**isthataweed:** probably.

**Egghead:** Kill me now.

**seeyalaterhaters:** dude no we haven't even done initiation yet

**doyouevenskate:** so what robe did you find for humphrey?

**seeyalaterhaters:** i cant tell you, its a secretttt

**Egghead:** Is anyone gonna tell me why we need robes?

**isthataweed:** we put on robes and watch all of the star wars movies together.

**Egghead:** Oh thank god, I thought we were gonna kill someone or something.

**yallugly:** I would never kill anyone in a unicorn robe

**yallugly:** everyone would know that it was me

**Egghead:** I guess that’s true. 

**Egghead:** So why aren’t any of the other guys invited?

**seeyalaterhaters:** we either don’t like them or we don’t have their number

**nick:** it’s actually because hunter is too scared to ask the other guys to join

**Egghead:** Why?

**nick:** cus he’s a puAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**seeyalaterhaters:** how unfortunate, he was killed before he could finish his sentence

**doyouevenskate:** you didn’t have to fucking tackle him hunter

**seeyalaterhaters:** i don’t know what you’re talking about

**seeyalaterhaters:** i’ll see you tomorrow at 4pm in dexter and i’s room.

**Egghead:** I guess I’ll see you there...


	15. oh, worm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i haven't updated in a while, my mental health dropped lower than my grades.

**gaybelle has added isthataweed and yallugly to pussy thots.**

**gaybelle:** come back i miss you crackheads

**yallugly:** no

**yallugly has left the chat.**

**gaybelle:** rude.

**isthataweed:** lmao i forgot this chat existed

**Irodocyclitis:** How could you forget? The amount of chaos this chat produces is unforgettable.

**isthataweed:** i have short term memory loss

**swordlesbian:** so does a million other people, you’re not special

**isthataweed:** :(

**swordlesbian:** jk i luv u

**isthataweed:** luv u 2, fam for lyfe

**Irodocyclitis:** Please stop. I already have to deal with Briar, I can’t handle the both of you too.

**partytime:** rood

**gaybelle has added yallugly to the chat.**

**gaybelle:** STAY I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING

**yallugly:** what do you want

**gaybelle:** …. 

**gaybelle:** darling has a mommy kink

**swordlesbian:** NO I DON’T

**yallugly:** You think I don’t already know that?

**swordlesbian: ** isjadojasokjasd

**emo:** and i oop-

**isthataweed:** Ah, now I remember why I left this chat.

**Irodocyclitis:** I thought we moved passed the mommy kink thing.

**gaybelle:** we didn’t

**gaybelle:** well at least i didn’t

**swordlesbian:** DARING I DON’T HAVE A MOMMY KINK 

**yallugly:** Really? Then what did I hear last night while I was walking by Apples room?

**gaybelle: ** LMAO

**swordlesbian:** dhasiudjsaiduahiudo9asijdkidskoaioujfkoiuauke2ioq8903993ruyire9kumhwei9

**emo:** oh? is that what you do while i’m gone?

**Irodocyclitis:** It was probably just the TV.

**yallugly:** What in the world were you watching? I heard a LOT of interesting things.

**Irodocyclitis:** Why were you walking by my room anyways?

**yallugly: ** …

**notafurry:** he was walking to my room

**notafurry:** so he could complain about me not loving him

**yallugly:** i did nothing of the sort

**truthhurts:** oh, so that's why I heard crying

**swordlesbian:** HAHAHAHHA

**gaybelle:** shut up

**gaybelle:** at least he doesn’t have a mommy kink

**partytime:** at least darling doesn’t kiss someone and then pretend it never happened, and at least she doesn’t make everything a joke and ignore everyone else's feelings.

**McHottie:** Oh, Worm?

**swordlesbian:** i-

**Irodocyclitis:** I think it’s a coping mechanism. 

**gaybelle:** what is this? hate on faybelle day?

**theyaremycrocs:** no, they’re just pointing out things that are wrong with you.

**isthataweed:** and i oop-

**gaybelle:** yall ugly *poofs out of existence*

**gaybelle has left the chat.**

**yallugly:** bro wtf

**emo: ** how did we get to this point? 

**Irodocyclitis:** I really don’t know anymore.


	16. IM A MOTHER FUCKIN DRAGON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow White is coming to the school, and Maddie goes on a rampage....

**Irodocyclitis: **Everyone! I have an announcement!

**gaybelle: **what do you want

**Irodocyclitis: **My mother is coming to the school! 

**swordlesbian:** oh shit

**gaybelle: **meeting the parents already? you two are moving so quickly

**swordlesbian: **shut up

**Irodocyclitis: **You all need to be on your best behavior!

**gaybelle: **how do i do that 

**Irodocyclitis: **You just have to be nice.

**Irodocyclitis: **You can do that, right?

**gaybelle: **bold of you to assume i’m benevolent

**partytime: **wut does tht mean?

**Irodocyclitis: **…

**Irodocyclitis: **Just be yourselves.

**gaybelle: **gotcha, i’ll get my bombs

**theyaremycrocs: **fAYBELLE NO

**gaybelle: **FAYBELLE YES

**Irodocyclitis: **DON’T BLOW ANYTHING UP YOU IDIOTIC TURD SOCKET!

**gaybelle: **wtf

**swordlesbian: **i’m shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots

**shoes: **why do you have custom baby seal leather boots?

**swordlesbian: **it's a megamind reference pleb

**gaybelle: **you told me to be myself, and i am a trash can blowing up bitch.

**truthhurts:** last I checked blowing things up isn’t a personality trait.

**gaybelle:** shut your whore mouth

**truthhurts: **no u

**gaybelle: **HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

**emo: **did you guys steal maddies weed again?

**tEaTiMe: **YOU BETTER NOT HAVE! I WORKED HARD TO GROW THAT WEED!

**doyouevenskate: **i didn't

**doyouevenskate:** i’m too terrified to even look at maddie the wrong way after what she did

**isthataweed: **wtf did she do?

**doyouevenskate:** i was in the hospital for 2 weeks

**seeyalaterhaters: **maddie i told you not to mess him up too bad

**tEaTiMe: **oops

**swordlesbian: **are we just gonna ignore how faybelle called cedar a whore

**dancingqueen(improved):** yes because cedar used her beautiful brain and said “no u” which immediately reverses the effects of faybelles words, which in turn makes faybelle the whore.

**swordlesbian:** okay then

**Irodocyclitis: **I’m trying to be serious over here!

**gaybelle: **b-but cedar called me a w-whore

**Irodocyclitis:** Is she wrong?

**emo: **and i oop-

**swordlesbian:** i love you so much apple

**Irodocyclitis: **Love you too.

**gaybelle: **i-

**gaybelle: **i’m gonna tell your mom you called me a whore

**Irodocyclits: **Are you sure about that?

**McCutie: **why did i just see apple tackle faybelle?

**McCutie:** is she high again?

**emo: **no, i don’t think so.

**swordlesbian: **is it weird i’m slightly turned on

**Isthataweed: **GROSS

**McHottie: **I won’t judge.

**treegremlin:** can you crackheads stfu i'm trying to take a mcfucking nap

**decapitation: **bold of you to assume we listen to each other 

**treegremlin: **bold of you to assume i’m not going to beat your asses in a minute

**tEaTiMe: **NOT IF I DO IT FIRST, BITCH!

**treegremlin: **oh shit why is the tree im on shaking faster than the speed of light

**judy: **get down dumbass

**nick: **oh shit maddies on a fucking rampage

**Irodocyclitis: **what did you fuckers do now?

**isthataweed: **RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

**emo: **why is everyone running out of the school? is your mom here?

**swordlesbian: **no time to explain, scroll up.

**emo: **why does this always happen?

**tEaTiMe: **I’M A MOTHER FUCKIN DRAGON

**decapitaion: **maddie wtf

**tEaTiMe: **o shit senpai noticed me

**whatarethose: **i normally don’t question these things but why is maddie undressing herself?

**decapitaiton: **PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON 

**tEaTiMe: **fuck you edward scissorhands

**Irodocyclitis: **what the fuck

**whatarethose: **it's not my fault you decided to get naked

**emo: **why were you getting naked?

**tEaTiMe:** i wanted to be faster than the peregrine falcon

**Partytime: **wtf is a peargrin falcon

**decapitation: **MADDIE I STG STOP BEING A STUPID BITCH CLOWN AND CALM THE FUCK DOWN

**tEaTiMe:** I CAN'T CALM DOWN WHEN YOU'RE YELLING AT ME

**Irodocyclitis: **OH SHIT MY MOMS ALMOST HERE 

**dancingqueen: **What the fuck happened?

**whatarethose: **maddie

**dancingqueen:** Makes sense.

**Irodocyclitis: **alright slut waffles we have a lot of shit to clean up

**Irodocyclitis:** and we have about 5 minutes to do it

**theyaremycrocs: **how do you expect us to clean all of this up in 5 minutes?

**Irodocyclits: **i don’t know

**Irodocyclitis: **all hope is lost

**emo: **uhh i think you’re forgetting something

**Irodocyclitis: **what could i be missing?

**emo: **magic, duh

**emo: **badabing badaboom

**tEaTiMe: **no… all my work… Its gone…

**decapitation: **your work?

**Irodocyclitis: **huh, i guess i did forget we have a witch bitch on our hands

**emo: **rude

**gaybelle: **i can’t believe maddie went on a whole ass rampage

**decapitation: **really? it happens all the time.

**treegremlin: **you should have seen her back in wonderland, bitch was crazy

**judy: **was?

**treegremlin: **is*

**judy: **better.

**tEaTiMe:** rood

**tEaTiMe:** but true

**Irodocyclitis: **I’m so glad all of this has been fixed!

**Irodocyclitis: **Thank you so much, Raven!

**emo: **np bb

**swordlesbian: **don't call her that

**emo: **oops i meant *friend

**gaybelle: **ha, gayyyyy.

**McHottie: **faybelle look at your username.

**gaybelle: **OH SHIT

**partytime: **ha gayyyyy.

**gaybelle: **shut up or else

**partytime: **or else what?

**McHottie: **she’ll push you against a wall and look into your eyes with lust and then kiss you passionately. 

**gaybelle: **wtf

**gaybelle: **and i thought i was the delusional one

**swordlesbian: **you are.

**Irodocyclits: **MY MOM IS ALMOST HERE STOP TEXTING

**emo: **kk bb ;)

**swordlesbian: **raven i stg

  
  



	17. fnuny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pure chaos

**gaybelle:** alright sluts, get in formation!

**Irodocyclitis:** Excuse me?

**treegremlin:** i’ve been in position for an hour fairy bitch, what took you so long?

**gaybelle:** kitty your spot is literally a tree, stfu

**Irodocyclitis:** What’s going on?

**Swordlesbian:** i have no fucking clue

**tEaTiMe:** we better hurry this shit up, i see snow white rounding the corner

**gaybelle:** SHIT 

**gaybelle:** is everyone ready????

**Irodocyclitis:** What are you doing?

**Irodocyclitis:** MADDIE GET BACK HERE

**tEaTiMe:** I FORGOT THE CHEESE!

**Gaybelle:** you had one job

**whatarethose:** of course you forgot the cheese

**rasinbran:** i can't believe i agreed to helping you idiots with this

**gaybelle:** SHUT UP WE HAVE TO FOCUS

**gaybelle:** AND MADDIE GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE 

**tEaTiMe:** im behind you

**gaybelle:** aIDUKASHMIDASI

**decapitation:** now you know what it feels like

**Irodocyclitis:** What in the world is that smell?

**Irodocyclitis:** Please don’t ruin this…

**decapitation:** don’t worry! this will be a benefit to everyone!

**Irodocyclitis:** If you say so….

**gaybelle:** IS EVERYONE READY YET??? SNOW IS LIKE 2 INCHES AWAY FROM TOUCHING THE GROUND

**emo:** ready

**tEaTiMe:** ready

**treegremlin:** i’ve been ready bitch

**whatarethose:** im gucci

**dancingqueen:** oh god

**raisinbran:** im ready

**capncrunch:** wait we were doing it now?

**gaybelle:** YOU MORON

**capncrunch:** oops

**Irodocyclitis:** WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO

**gaybelle:** this wasn’t supposed to happen

**partytime:** wtf 

**raisinbran:** well…. at least the cheese isn’t expired…

**tEaTiMe:** wait… you wanted fresh cheese?

**gaybelle:** wtf is wrong with you?

**gaybelle:** why would i want expired cheese?

**Irodocyclitis:** Someone explain to me why my mother is covered in expired cheese before i murder all of you

**gaybelle:** theres no easy way to explain this

**capncrunch:** lmao sorry

**Irodocyclitis: ** EXPLAIN!

**gaybelle:** we were going to put cheese on the dragons and make them drop the cheese down on the table for your mother….

**Irodocyclitis:** ….

**Irodocyclitis:** On dragons?

**gaybelle:** yes?

**Irodocyclitis:** ON DRAGONS? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? MY MOM DOESNT EVEN LIKE CHEESE

**emo:** oof

**swordlesbian:** this isn’t how i imagined meeting your mom

**shoes:** how old is that cheese? i think i’m gonna throw up

**tEaTiMe:** at least three weeks

**Irodocyclitis:** OH MY GOD! YOU DUMPED THREE WEEK OLD CHEESE ON MY MOM?!??!?!?!?!?@POKEL!P@EK>MP!L@E<JK!@KJOEKIP

**swordlesbian:** oh god

**Irodocyclitis:** you idiots better clean this mess up, i’m going to help my mother get the THREE WEEK OLD CHEESE off of her.

**emo:** well that was anticlimactic…

**gaybelle:** shut up

**shoes:** the only one who should shut up is you, the one who started this mess.

**gaybelle:** sowwy

**partytime:** ew

**judy:** i…. i don’t even know what to say anymore….

**judy:** i.. cheese? what?

**capncrunch:** lmao i’m gonna take a nap

**treegremlin:** NOT WITHOUT ME BICTH

**emo:** bicth

**treegremlin:** im not delaing with this rn

**emo:** delaing

**treegremlin:** STOP

**partytime:** HAHAHHAAHHSAHHDASHDHASHR THIS IS SO FNUNY

**emo:** ...

**partytime:** wAIT NO

**emo:** fnuny

**emo has changed the chat name to fnuny.**

**partytime:** SHUT UP YOU BITCH

**swordlesbian:** whats wrong with you people

**whatarethose:** many things

**swordlesbian:** i’m going to help apple, please try not to destroy anything else.

**gaybelle:** b-but i said s-sowwy

**swordlesbian:** don’t make me come over there

**gaybelle:** foine


	18. OH NO THEY GOT FAYBELLE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> punishment time!

**gaybelle:** i’m bored

**partytime:** cool i dont remember asking

**Irodocyclitis:** Maybe you wouldn’t be bored if you didn’t pour expired cheese on my mother.

**gaybelle:** i would probably still be bored

**shoes:** is your mom okay?

**Irodocyclitis:** She’s fine.

**whatarethose:** coolio

**gaybelle:** can someone entertain me pls

**tEaTiMe:** ok

**gaybelle:** oh god anyone but you

**tEaTiMe:** :(

**decapitation:** Don’t be rude.

**gaybelle:** bitch if i was described by one word it would be rude

**McHottie:** uhhh, faybelle?

**gaybelle:** wtf do you want 

**McHottie:** if i were you i would run and hide

**gaybelle: **im not a wuss i wont hide from anything

**McHottie:** professor grimm is looking for you

**gaybelle:** O SHIT

**tEaTiMe:** HAHAAH

**McHottie:** he’s looking for everyone involved in the… incident.

**tEaTiMe: **oh

**tEaTiMe:** fuck

**capncrunch:** uhhh see you gays in 50 years

**treegremlin:** lmao i’ll just hide in a tree, hell never find me

**whatarethose:** if i was grimm and i was looking for you, the first place i would look is the trees

**treegremlin:** shut up you have to hide too

**swordlesbian:** no one is hiding

**gaybelle:** but its grimm, he’s gonna kill us

**decapitation:** he already hates us for being super gay, he’ll literally lock us in a dungeon for forty years.

**tEaTiMe:** did you just type out 40?

**decapitation:** yeah, so?

**emo:** just say 40 

**emo:** its so much easier

**decapitation:** shut up you whore

**Irodocyclitis:** Lizzie! That’s rude!

**decapitation:** sorry

**decapitation:** shut up u spineless toaster oven

**Irodocyclitis:** What does that even mean?

**gaybelle:** HPEPAEDLAPOD

**gaybelle:** HELP

**raisinbran:** OH NO THEY GOT FAYBELLE

**tEaTiMe:** AHAHHAHAHA

**tEaTiMe:** OH FUCJDSKADOIASDJOKPAS

**emo:** may she rest in peace…

**tEaTiMe:** I AINT GOING ANYWHERE BITCH

**decapitation:** wow that was kinda hot

**notafurry:** what the hell is going on? Why did maddie just hit rumpelstiltskin with a whole ass table? 

**Irodocyclitis:** Maddie! You can’t attack the teachers!

**emo:** its too late

**tEaTiMe:** HE ATTACKED ME FIRST! IT WAS SELF DEFENSE

**gaybelle:** hel

**gaybelle:** help

**partytime:** yo what the fuck

**emo:** SHES ALIVE!

**gaybelle:** im in detntion and grimms starring at me wth the hatrd of a thosand suns

**emo:** you spelled so many things wrong in that message

**gaybelle:** bith i dont wanna get cauht

**whatarethose:** im on my way to break you out

**Irodocycltis:** Guys, just accept your punishment. If he took you to detention it was probably for a good reason. Maybe you're in there because, I don’t know, you poured expired cheese on my mother?

**emo:** one time he gave me detention for looking at him

**tEaTiMe: **why were you looking at him? everytime i do that i throw up a little

**judy: **you idiots are giving me a headache

**gaybelle:** i said sorry

**raisinbran:** ill distract grimm 

**gaybelle:** tank u

**emo has changed the chat name to tank u.**

**gaybelle:** why

**emo:** cause its funny lol

**gaybelle:** stfu and help me

**emo:** hehe okay

**capncrunch:** all of you are dumbasses 

**theyaremycrocs:** you literally helped them 

**capncrunch:** shut up

**McHottie:** hey have any of you seen blondie? 

**McHottie: **she hasn’t been responding to my texts and i’m getting worried.

**gaybelle:** oh fuck i forgot about her

**tEaTiMe:** uhhhhh

**theyaremycrocs:** I thought she was documenting this mess

**gaybelle:** ha NOPE

**McHottie:** where the fuck is my girlfriend?

**emo:** wasn’t she in the forest?

**McHottie:** the forest you say?

**gaybelle:** yea i think

**McHottie:** you think?

**whatarethose: **she’s probably just chillin with the bears

**McHottie:** i dont know if you remember but the bears dont actually like her

**whatarethose:** they dont?

**McHottie:** no. ill see you dumb dumbs later, i gotta search the whole forest for my gf

**swordlesbian:** good luck with that

**gaybelle:** HA IM FREE

**gaybelle:** GET READY FOR DESTRUCTION AND PAIN!

**partytime:** no

**emo:** yo we didn’t break you out of detention just for you to destroy the school.

**Irodocyclitis:** You shouldn’t have broken her out of detention.

**raisinbran:** im afraid its too late for that

**tEaTiMe:** If you’re destroying the school can you wait until tomorrow? I have something i need to do.

**gaybelle:** shore

**emo:** tank u

**gaybelle:** stop

**emo:** OIDSHAIKDJFSDIKASJ

**whatarethose:** o shit shes been taken AISJDASlHMFDJAKdjd

**gaybelle:** bro i just got out of hell and im already backakcnasjdoiasjdl

**tEaTiMe:** noobs

**capncrunch:** no u

**capncrunch:** asdosajasdiasjklmndjlioasklm;d;asd

**tEaTiMe:** haha you got captured tooafdkjaskkdasndehagiusdhaala;sldfkl

**decapitation:** i'm surrounded by idiots.

**raisinbran:** you’re probably gonna get captured too.

**decapitation:** no i wont

**raisinbran:** how come?

**decapitation:** trust me.

**decapitation: **grimms behind you by the way.

**raisinbran:** dasojdksaio0djkkasioidLAJKLDKASDFUCKC

**partytime:** can we get an f in the chat?

**shoes:** f

**theyaremycrocs: **f

**truthhurts: **f

**fotafurry:** f

**dancingqueen(improved):** f

**judy: **f

**seeyalaterhaters:** f

**isthataweed:** f

**nick:** f

**doyouevenskate:** f

**decapitation:** f

**partytime:** i thought u got taken?

**decapitation:** you should know better.

**partytime: **rite sry


	19. NOT THE SWEET CHEDDAR

**isthataweed:** are the crackheads™ still in detention?

**judy:** yes.

**truthhurts:** Am I the only one hearing their screams?

**partytime:** no

**dancingqueen:** We just choose to ignore it.

**truthhurts:** oh

**theyaremycrocs:** im worried for them

**seeyalaterhaters:** why

**theyaremycrocs:** because they’re with grimm

**seeyalaterhaters:** oh yeah

**decapitation:** don’t be too worried, im watching them.

**swordlesbian:** that’s not creepy at all

**nick:** where are you watching them from?

**decapitation:** somewhere

**judy: **alistar i'm surprised you weren’t involved 

**nick:** why are you surprised? i’m a good boy?

**judy:** yes... yes you are.

**nick:** :)

**doyouevenskate:** thats hetero

**nick:** bro

**doyouevenskate:** bro

**notafurry:** this group chat is kinda boring without the crackheads™ 

**partytime:** are we not entertaining enough for you?

**shoes:** sorry that we don’t steal maddies weed

**doyouevenskate:** IT WAS ONE TIME

**dancingqueen:** One time too many.

**isthataweed:** i miss our emotional support crackheads

**McHottie:** my emotional support crackhead is angery 

**swordlesbian:** oh, you found her?

**McHottie:** yee -blondie

**decapitation:** yee

**McHottie: **and im not a crackhead -blondie

**notafurry:** thats debatable

**McHottie:** her mirrorphone died

**decapitation: **wow i had no idea

**McHottie: **shut up

**doyouevenskate:** brb im gonna steal maddies weed since shes not here to get mad at me for it

**seeyalaterhaters:** you are aware that when she gets back she can read the chat, right?

**doyouevenskate:** o shit

**decapitation:** it wouldn’t work anyway, she installed a security system

**theyaremycrocs:** of course she did

**shoes:** what kind of security system?

**decapitation:** the kind that stops people from stealing her weed

**shoes:** wow that was helpful

**decapitation:** you’re welcome

**partytime:** she was being sarcastic

**decapitation:** oh wow, she was? I had no idea…

**notafurry: **lizzie are you still watching them?

**decapitation:** yes

**notafurry:** cool, what are they doing?

**decapitation:** getting yelled at

**partytime:** so not anything intersting

**truthhurts:** intersting

**partytime:** i thouhgt i would be free from this since ravens gone

**truthhurts:** until further notice i will be filling the role of raven queen

**truthhurts:** thouhgt

**shoes:** are we just turning into them now?

**doyouevenskate:** i call being maddie

**decapitation:** you’ll never be good enough to fill her role.

**doyouevenskate:** wow

**theyaremycrocs:** don’t be mean

**decapitation:** sorry but maddie is better than him in every way possible

**doyouevenskate:** that hurted

**dancingqueen:** Good.

**doyouevenskate:** :(

**seeyalaterhaters:** stop being mean to my boyf

**truthhurts:** sorry hunter, this is the way it has to be

**seeyalaterhaters:** why?

**truthhurts:** without the crackheads™ the world is unbalanced, and sparrow clearly isn't cut out for the role of maddie.

**decapitation:** this is true.

**truthhurts:** i’ve chosen raven since I can bully briar very easily

**partytime:** wyh me

**truthhurts has changed the chat name to wyh me.**

**partytime:** wow

**truthhurts:** the main crackheads are maddie, faybelle, kitty, and raven. 

**truthhurts:** i will be choosing your roles.

**shoes:** i don’t think this a good idea

**Nick:** but cedars right, the world is unbalanced, we have to fix this

**truthhurts:** alistar you’re kitty

**nick:** alright idiots im gonna take a nap

**truthhurts:** perfect

**truthhurts:** briar you’re faybelle

**partytime: **why i hate her

**swordlesbian:** sure you do

**truthhurts:** you’re already doing great

**truthhurts:** anyway idk who should be maddie

**decapitation:** me

**truthhurts:** may i ask why?

**decapitation:** i think i'm perfect for the role

**truthhurts:** give me your best maddie impression

**Decapitation:** well i just smoke bombed grimm, sooo….

**Irodocyclitis:** What?

**gaybelle:** we’re back bitches

**partytime:** oh thank god

**gaybelle:** you’re actually happy that im here???

**partytime:** no i just dont have ot pretnd to be u 

**emo:** ot pretnd

**partytime:** I STG

**emo:** ;)

**emo has changed the chat name to ot pretnd.**

**truthhurts:** oh you’re back

**tEaTiMe:** HELL YEAH WE ARE

**tEaTiMe:** and lizzie i think your impression was spot on

**decapitation:** thank you :)

**gaybelle:** gay

**tEaTiMe:** no u

**gaybelle:** well your not worng

**emo:** WORNG

**truthhurts:** worng

**Irodocyclitis:** Faybelle, I think you’re spending too much time with Briar.

**gaybelle:** no i haent

**gaybelle:** wait

**emo:** HAENT

**emo has changed the chat name to HAENT.**

**gaybelle:** STOP

**capncrunch:** are you not mad that lizzie broke us out of detention?

**Irodocycltis:** I realized that this is what will happen if I’m friends with you idiots.

**Irodocyclitis:** And besides, Faybelle has done worse.

**gaybelle:** uwu

**Irodocycltis:** My mother is banning cheese though…

**emo:** NOT THE SWEET CHEDDAR


	20. we goin therapy hours

**partytime: **has any1 seen faybelle????

**McHottie:** no, why? are you two dating or something ;)))))

**partytime:** ew gross

**partytime:** aple is makng us spend time togreht 2 srtengthn r reltionshp or whateva

**Irodocyclitis:** Everytime I enter this grouchat I lose brain cells.

**partytime:** thhen d oak tt entr the chat anykormessjskal

**emo:** oh god

**theyaremycrocs:** are you okay?

**partytime:** skskkqkdduuejde8shxbsbhrcunexinwdmoexoexjienkxwocjwfocijwf

**tEaTiMe:** yo whos crying in the janitors closet??? i thought i made it clear the janitors closet is for my crying sessions, not any of you peasants. 

**whatarethose:** i think you've been spending too much time with lizzie

**tEaTiMe:** no one asked idot

**emo:** are we just gonna ignore the fact that someone is crying in the janitors closet

**dancingqueen(improved):** mood

**swordlesbian:** bro stop

**isthataweed:** who's crying in the janitors closet

**emo:** idk im worried

**Irodocyclitis:** Which janitors closet? I’m on my way to help.

**tEaTiMe:** fuckin uhhh i dont know,,,,, uhhh the one with a sign that says “janitors closet”

**decapitation:** bro

**Irodocyclitis:** Maddie, I’m concerned for whoever is in there. Where are you?

**tEaTiMe:** well im at the castelteria now to get some nom noms

**Irodocyclitis:** maddie can you please take this seriously

**tEaTiMe:** soRRY I DONT KNWK HOT O DAEL WTB WMOTIONS

**tEaTiMe:** its the one near grimms office

**Irodocyclitis:** thank you

**emo: **keep us updated please

**emo: **actually i think ill try and help

**truthhurts:** you guys remember when maddie popped out of a giant bear and scared lizzie?

**truthhurts: **that was funny

**nick:** ah, the good old days…

**partytime:** i wan to se a bgi fbeer on a fekinckn whstd it cllednan fuckfj wheel thing what is tit i dnt fucking no 

**partytime:** auajakqoqjhaHHahajasksjejehahajausiwiqk

**partytime:** FERRIS WHEEL THATS THE BITCH

**shoes:** im constantly worried for you briar

**partytime:** thamk u?

**tEaTiMe:** haha beesechurger

**Irodocyclitis:** im done

**Irodocyclitis:** im actually fucking done

**swordlesbian: **what happened?

**Irodocyclitis:** i was being all worried about whomst the fuck was crying in the janitors closet so raven used magic to open the door and broke her fingers yet again because shes a fucking deku kinne, but what we found in the closet is what makes me mad.

**Irodocyclitis:** faybelle, ramona, and duchess all crying about how heather chandler could step on them.

**swordlesbian:** well heather chandler is a mythic bitch…

**eaisinbran:** guys thats just a cover up, we actually hold monthly group therapy sessions when things get to be too much.

**dancingqueen:** Wow, fuck you too. 

**gaybelle:** i don’t appreciate you exposing us ramona

**Irodocyclitis:** yup im done i tried to help and i jsut cant dk it anymore

**emo:** guys you broke apple

**partytime:** omg i hve and axtusky therpist we shold have aan actul group thepy session togehter!!1!11!1!!1!

**gaybelle:** we goin therapy hours

**Irodocyclitis:** everyday your grammar gets worse and worse

**emo:** wait you have a therapist too?

**emo:** mine told me not to be scared about turning into my mother because deep down im a good person, wbu?

**partytime:** mine told me that doing stupid things and being obnoxious won’t get my parents to love me

**gaybelle:** oh-

**emo:** oh im sorry

**shoes:** i dont know what to do with this information

**partytime:** fuck i did it again dindt i

**tEaTiMe:** we all have our ways of coping, dont judge bethany.

**tEaTiMe:** personally i cope by pretending to be happy and acting like nothing bothers me when in reality the crushing weight of my mother leaving my father and i has left a gaping whole inside of me and i blame myself even though i was but a wee babe and had no control over the situation and now i cant take anything seriously anymore

**emo:** …

**emo:** im getting you all a therapist

**tEaTiMe:** no its gucci ill just talk to the people in my head until my problems just disappear

**decapitation:** uhhh how about no

**notafurry:** i feel like im the only one here with a stable mind

**Irodocyclitis:** you’re dating daring, how stable can your mind be?

**treegremlin:** BOOM ROASTED

**notafurry: …**

**notafurry:** i retract my previous statement

**yallugly:** i came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now

**partytime:** on a dgjgber fuck hgiher fuck higher note im throwing a party this weekend, ur all invited

**emo:** why did you have such a hard time spelling higher?

**partytime:** fuck odffkwk

**shoes:** i see we’re just ignoring how all of us need therapists 

**Irodocyclitis: **yes that is exactly what we’re doing

**shoes:** why

**swordlesbian: **because then we would have to admit that we have problems

**shoes:** ogay then

**gaybelle:** i-

**gaybelle:** im so proud


	21. LITERALLY JUST GO TO SLEEP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING I GOT REALLY UNMOTIVATED PLEASE TAKE THIS TRASH AS A PEACE OFFERING

**tEaTiMe: **do flies have feelings

**dancingqueen:** its 2AM go the fuck to sleep

**tEaTiMe: **answer my question

**tEaTiMe: **i havent slept in three days

**emo: **same lmao

**tEaTiMe:** OMG TWINSIES 

**swordlesbian:** yo what the fuck

**partytime:** theyew r fleis swho cares

**notafurry:** I CARE

**Irodocyclitis:** what are you idiots doing up so late iTS 2 IN THE MORNING

**Emo:** playing video gaymes with my homies

**tEaTiMe:** ayyy

**decapitation:** ayyy

**capncrunch:** ayyy

**notafurry:** i dont have to answer that question

**swordlesbian:** uhhhhhhh,,,,, just,,,,, vibing,,,, idk,,,,,

**truthhurts:** my eternal mood

**whatarethose:** what are you doing up cedar

**truthhurts:** i have trouble sleeping because im made out of wood

**partytime:** oof

**Irodocyclitis:** darling you’re not training again, are you?

**Irodocyclitis: **its 2Am you need sleep, and stop overworking yourself

**swordlesbian:** sowwy

**swordlesbian: **can i sleep with you tonight?

**gaybelle:** ;)))))))

**swordlesbian:** STOP I JUST WANNA CUDDLE

**Irodocyclitis:** Of course you can!

**emo:** god im lonely

**tEaTiMe:** mood

**McHottie:** i thought you and lizzie were a thing????

**tEaTiMe:** no she hates me

**decapitation: **bro your sitting on my lap rn

**gaybelle:** thats gay

**tEaTiMe:** not if you say no homo first

**treegremlin: **can y’all shut tf up

**emo:** sorry bro

**capncrunch:** sorry i get a little hyped up when im destroying these noobs

**decapitation:** you can join us if you want bro, and for the record im not a noob

**tEaTiMe:** ill scream even louder my guy

**treegremlin:** NO

**nick:** maddie please for the love of god, shut the fuck up

**tEaTiMe:** sowwy

**Irodocyclitis:** pLEASE FOR THE LOVEO OF HGPOOD STOP FUCKING SAYING “SOWWY” JUS T SAY SORRY YOU FUCKING MORON

**emo:** you broke the one sane person left

**gaybelle:** apple’s never been sane

**Irodocyclitis:** LITERALLY JUST GO TO SLEEP

**gaybelle:** fight me

**Irodocyclitis:** TIME AND PLACE MOTHERFUCKER

**gaybelle:** oh shit she actually wants to fight

**raisinbranch:** lmao can i watch

**Irodocyclitis:** NO GO TO SLEEP

**emo:** yo calm down

**capncrunch:** relax

**tEaTiMe:** chill the fuck out

**Irodocyclitis:** im sorry

**Irodocyclitis:** im going to sleep now

**shoes:** good night!

**Irodocyclitis:** it would have been good if i didn’t have to deal with you assholes

**truthhurts:** bro i am right here

**gaybelle has changed Irodocyclitis’s name to little bitch baby.**

**little bitch baby:** watch your fucking back

**gaybelle:** OoOOoO i’m soooo scared

**gaybelle:** ASJDUIAFJSAIDAKJSDFA

**judy:** faybelle are you okay?

**gaybelle:** HEAPLEPDA 

**partytime:** f

**swordlesbian:** i would feel bad but you provoked this

**emo has changed little bitch baby’s name to Irodocyclitis.**

**emo:** order has been restored.

**emo:** but not actually because apple is still murdering faybelle

**dancingqueen(improved): **who the fuck is screaming

**dancingqueen(improved):** oh

**tEaTiMe:** wait justine while you're here can i try out a new pick up line i learned

**raisinbran:** fuck no

**dancingqueen(improved):** calm down i'm sure it’s not even a good one

**dancingqueen(improved):** go for it

**tEaTiMe:** if you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable

**decapitation:** that was terrible

**McHottie:** you’re only saying that cause she didn’t use it on you

**decapitation: **no im not shut up

**dancingqueen(improved):** lizzie is right that was really bad

**decapitation:** shut up only i can insult her bad pick up lines

**McHottie:** getting a bit protective, huh?

**decapitation:** im not taking this from cotton candy in a living form

**McHottie:** i have no idea what that’s supposed to mean?

**McCutie:** well cotton candy is sweet, like you ;)

**McHottie:** AIOJDKOASDJASMKDMa THANK YOU

**decapitation:** nO STOP BEING CUTE

**tEaTiMe:** lizzie if you want i can use a pick up line on you ;)

**decapitation:** wait no-

**tEaTiMe:** is your name google? because you have everything ive been searching for.

**decapitation:** maddie we’ve known each other for years

**decapitation:** YOU KNOW MY NAME

**McHottie:** you liked it dont lie

**emo:** is no one else worried for faybelle? she hasn’t responded for a while now

**Irodocyclitis:** we don’t have to worry about her now

**emo:** apple?

**emo:** what the fuck?

**emo:** did you actually kill faybelle????

**Irodocyclitis:** she’s in a better place now.

**partytime:** waht fthe guicoking fucjsi applef wwhwatd tehf ufc ksi fdi dyiu do??

**Irodocyclitis:** i have no idea what you just said.

**Irodocyclitis:** im going to sleep. don’t bother me.

**emo:** well then….. 

**McHottie: **i guess we should stop so apple doesnt kill the rest of us

**tEaTiMe:** i’m invincible

**Irodocyclitis:** you wanna test that?

**tEaTiMe:** try me

**swordlesbian:** please god no

**swordlesbian:** apple im sorry this is for the best

**Irodocyclitis:** bitch don’t yousjadmdlkasASDASD

**capncrunch:** what did you do

**swordlesbian:** i knocked her out

**emo:** well, good night?

**tEaTiMe:** you say that like we’re actually gonna go to sleep

**emo:** lmao rip


	22. gang gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry i haven't updated in a while skjadslsj :)

**isthataweed:** hi 

**isthataweed: ** are all of you still alive?

**emo:** unfortunately yes

**seeyalaterhaters:** omfg i forgot about this chat

**notafurry:** how could you forget about this chat it’s so chaotic jljadlkdj

**seeyalaterhaters:** I HAD IT ON MUTE ALDJSAKDJ

**treegremlin:** i am offended you would mute something as chaotic as this 

**seeyalaterhaters:** sorry i was focusing on da homies

**doyouevenskate:** GANG GANG

**irodocyclitis:** please never say that again

**tEaTiMe:** I FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE LIZZIE PLS GET ME SOME COFFEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**decapitation:** ok sure lol

**tEaTiMe:** THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

**decapitation:** yuh

**capncrunch:** yuh

**swordlesbian:** yuh

**McHottie:** yuh

**dancingqueen(improved):** yuh

**whatarethose:** sorry to interrupt the yuh chain but does anyone know where briar is 

**gaybelle:** why do you need to know

**whatarethose:** calm your tits 

**whatarethose:** she asked me to do her hair 

**isthataweed:** is faybelle jealous?

**gaybelle:** tf no i was just curious 

**tEaTiMe:** epic gamer moment: when a pretty girl brings you coffee in the morning and gives you a smooch on the cheek 

**decapitation:** DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW

**emo:** pics or it didn’t happen

**McHottie:** inchresting 

**tEaTiMe:** relax it was just platonic

**gaybelle:** yeah sure “platonic”

**treegremlin:** sounds pretty gay to me

**decapitation:** all of you shut up or i’ll chop of your heads

**irodocyclitis:** hey, please don’t do that

**shoes:** yeah, i value my head

**partytime:** sod o i

**emo:** AOSDJSAOKDS “sod o i”

**partytime: ** SHUT UPDS YOU SKNOW WHAT I MEANMT

**whatarethose: ** BRIAR WHERE ARE YOU

**partytime:** OUTHISDE UR DOMREAM

**whatarethose:** sorry, what?

**partytime:** OMFG OPEN UR DOOR

**gaybelle:** how hard is it to type dorm

**partytime:** SHUT UP HOE

**gaybelle:** i-

**yallugly:** hey why is maddie running through the castelteria screaming “the birds work for the bourgeoisie” ???

**decapitation:** well knowing maddie she probably spiked her coffee

**decapitation:** MADDIE TEXT ME WE NEED TO DISCUSS OUR BOUNTY

**irodocyclitis:** sorry, bounty???

**tEaTiMe:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!!! 

**tEaTiMe:** AND YES MA’AM!!

**emo:** what are you so loud for

**tEaTiMe:** they’re watching

**emo:** what

**tEaTiMe:** you read the message YOU DKNOW WHT IT SAYS

**irodocyclitis:** i need an explanation

**doyouevenskate:** OMG I JUST REALISED APPLE IS TYPING IN ALL LOWERCASE NOW DOJAOD

**swordlesbian:** yeah i think we converted her

**irodocyclitis:** stfu

**swordlesbian:** i-

**gaybelle:** APPLE YOU BITCH WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SET ME ON FIRE YESTERDAY

**emo:** DSAIHDAIUD I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

**emo:** wait she set you on fire-

**irodocyclitis:** and i’d do it again

**gaybelle:** SQUARE UP HOE 

**irodocyclitis:** you may have magic, but i have the power of god and anime on my side.

**swordlesbian:** i-

**gaybelle:** HAHA AS IF

**gaybelle:** I’M GONNA MURDER YOUR ASS

**McCutie: ** tf is happening

**McHottie:** HI I LOVE YOU :)))

**McCutie:** I LOVE YOU TOO :)))

**dancingqueen:** ew i’m gonna throw up

**truthhurts:** STOP BEING MEAN

**dancingqueen:** cedar i will personally rip your arms off

**truthhurts:** :(

**swordlesbian:** DUCHESS HOW DARE YOU MAKE CEDAR SAD

**raisinbran:** even i wouldn’t do that

**emo:** APOLOGIZE DUCHESS

**dancingqueen:** FINE BUT ONLY BECAUSE POPPY WILL BE MAD AT ME LATER IF I DON'T

**dancingqueen:** i’m sorry cedar

**truthhurts:** its okay :)

**capncrunch:** darling are you not concerned for apple???

**swordlesbian:** she’s stronger than she looks, she’ll be fine

**emo:** i sure hope so

**gaybelle:** AAWDIUHAUWKDJWLOPDIAKJWNIFWOFJN,A

**emo:** oh hi faybelle

**gaybelle:** faybitch is gone now

**shoes:** huh

**treegremlin:** apple is that you???

**gaybelle:** it could be, it could be someone completely different.

**swordlesbian:** apple what did you do

**gaybelle:** … promise you won’t be mad 

**swordlesbian:** i promise 

**gaybelle:** i threw faybelle over a bridge and ran

**swordlesbian:** what the fuck-

**emo:** DAJOWDJ THAT DIDN’T ACTUALLY HAPPEN DID IT

**gaybelle:** i have to put her phone in her dorm and act like nothing happened. 

**gaybelle:** don’t tell grimm please

**theyaremycrocs:** girl we all hate him we would never

**decapitation:** quick question: does anyone know a good hiding place for a mace?

**decapitation:** don’t ask why

**seeyalaterhaters:** why

**tEaTiMe:** SHE SAID NOT TO ASK WHY

**swordlesbian:** idk in your locker or something, i’ve hidden a bunch of stuff in mine and no one has found it so...

**decapitation:** i don’t know if that will work but thank you

**swordlesbian:** no problem :)

**McCutie:** hey why did i just find faybelle drenched in water passed out in a random forest?

**irodocyclitis:** uh no idea

**swordlesbian:** i mean at least she’s alive

**emo:** jesus is apple the hulk or something

**isthataweed:** why were you in a random forest blondie?

**McCutie:** looking for good writing material, i think this will do just fine 

**irodocyclitis:** I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT PLEASE DON’T TELL GRIMM

**McCutie:** uh okay

  
  
  



End file.
